Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
