All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
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