please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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