How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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