So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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