At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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