please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
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I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
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Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
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