oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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