oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Boobs speak an international language.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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