Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
