sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
