i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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