my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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