how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
