gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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