you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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