Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
