Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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