New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
