not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I'm at about main and main street
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
