If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
