I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
