so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
