I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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