Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
