who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
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