YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
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