I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
