My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
