you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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