I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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