And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Ketchup is God's man juice
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
