Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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