I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
