it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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