i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
