May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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