If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
