so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
did i walk over a car last night?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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