YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
