He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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