Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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