turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Bring me that man meat
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
