when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Randomize
