The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
