man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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