well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
