he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
it's like heaven, but drunker
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
