I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
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I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
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I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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