Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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