Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
