just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
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