Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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