he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
