Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
