I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Randomize
