How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
