so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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