her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
