We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
