Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
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