I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
