When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Randomize
