Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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