Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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