curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
