There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
