He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
