We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
He is an equal opportunity slut.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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