I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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