At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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