half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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